Bubba, apologies, but I have been heavily involved in the police work around your case. The sodomy task force has been compiling a physical and psychological profile of your captor which we believe will lead to his identifcation and capture. Can I express how greatful I am to you and your family, as well as Dr. Higgins for assisting us in this process. I can summarise your captor as follows:
Physical attributes:
- Bleached rectum (from gock photos)
- Circumsized - with a chicken drumstick
- Heavy use of moisturiser - we believe Nivia for "Men"
- Extensive G-String collection - black
- Closely cropped hair
- Man boobs - DD cup minimum
- Prominent milk stains on shirt
- Prominent cum stains on shirt - unclear as to origin
- Prominient cum stains on trousers - unclear as to origin
- Clear signs of AIDS and Super-AIDS
- Clear use of electrolysis - monobrow removal, other areas unknown
- Gut - due to extensive cheese consumption
Psychological characteristics:
- Gay
- Only eats one thing at a time - possibly to increase milk and cum production
- Obsessed with cheese, tuna and rice
- Extensive knowledge of card board construction
- IT professional
- Experienced in subversive behaviour
- Knowledge of torture methods
- Obsessed with kittens
- Limited mathematics skills (base 10 only)
There will be more to add in time. In the mean-time, we will be circulating this description to all metrosexual clothes shops (E.g. Tarocash), dairies and anal bleaching salons in the hope that someone recognises him.
We are also taking bets in the office on how he will be apprehended. Johno reckons he will have his cock shot off during a shoot out. (Johno's volunteered for that one)
Don't worry. We'll get you out.
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